Author’s Note: I literally cannot see. My glasses are downstairs and my upstairs computer is placed FAR AWAY so I’m sorry if there are some weird mistakes.
Roxy and Dirk entered Buff Bob’s Beef Barn ©, and were promptly seated.
Of course, here, they were Roasty™ and Beef Dirky™. Dirk had thought up the aliases, which Roxy immediately found ridiculous.
"So ridiculous," he smirked, "That they’ll never suspect a thing."
And he was probably right. The two were undercover food inspectors for Buff Bob’s Beef Barn©'s Quality Control department, and spent the year traveling from one Barn™ to the next. They quite enjoyed the job, even after 4 years of eating from the same restaurant.
"So, what’re you getting?" Beef Dirky™ inquired. He hadn’t opened his menu, and probably wouldn’t: after Year 1, he’d grown tired of beef, so he’d been ordering the only meatless dish—The Beefalicious Broccoli Bowl™—at every location for longer than he wanted to admit. He also knew where to find the best Beefalicious Broccoli™ in the United States, but that was a secret. In contrast, Roasty tried to get as much variety as she could.
”The Burnin’ Beef Bologna™…maybe,” she mused.
When they received their food, they sat in their usual comfortable silence. But Beef Dirky was certain this location hadn’t read the recipe, and had included Beef™ in his Beefalicious Broccoli Bowl™. Unacceptable.
He pushed his Bowl™ away, “So, how is it?”
"hw is waht?"
"lol waht r u tlkn abotu!?!?"
”Roasty™,” he was confused, “What are you doing?”
"hahaha whta." And she drunkenly flung herself over the tabletop. "u no u r rilly hawt their r so mny gud thngs abtu u."
”Roasty™… I can literally hear typos,” he stated. “Like… I can hear your lack of capitalization and spelling mistakes… but you’re talking.”
"l0l i dan no," she started to laugh.
"I didn’t know this was possible."
Then Roasty™ pouted and mumbled, “i js dndt no how 2 tell u…”
"Tell me what?"
"bef maks me drnk idk y i thnk it is a diseez," her voice quivered with uncertainty, "thts y nvr tlk drng r aftr meels i am alcohlix bt w/ bef."
"But why can I hear your typos."
Another submission to my blog by tumblr user fizzybubblespop, who has never read Homestuck.
Every one needs to read this.
It’s quality fanfiction.